when i was little i thought i'd be a lot of things when i grew up. a supreme court judge, a doctor, a business owner, a philanthropist but what i never thought i would be was depressed.
and you might think how having depression is a fashion item these days, trust me, i'd rather be buried alive.
do you know what depression does to a person? the constant feeling of loneliness makes me feel unwanted around everyone and at this point i know my family doesn't even want me, my friends don't want to be around me and honestly i wouldn't blame them. who wants to be around a person who is sad all the time? but do you think i want to be like this? why would i ever want to subject myself to constant anxiety, stress, thinking i'm never enough, going out of my way to make people to help people so that at least they think of me as somewhat useful?
not going to lie, wanting to end my life is something i have thought about, but then again the thought of being the cause of pain for my family is what stops me. i didn't ask to be put in this world, having to live a life where i've never been happy nor do i see being happy ever, but i guess i'll finish this shift until it's time to go home.
