Schwarzkopf

when you hear that word what do you think? the german brand right? yeah...

for me it's a reminder of one of the best people i knew. 

i remember him standing in front of the mirror and opening the box of hair dye. i asked him what kind of rubbish company had he chosen, "schwarzkopf? that's the best one out there, silly" is what he replied.

i ended up in germany decades later and i see this name everywhere.

it reminds me of him.

it reminds me that he's not with us anymore. i cannot talk to him. i cannot ask him about any medical help i need. 

it reminds me that i could never say goodbye.

We will never know

Minha's rehabilitation exercises have started. Yesterday, we tied her good hand so she is motivated to use her paralyzed one. Instead, that little fighter started using her mouth. We recorded it. Had a good laugh as well. But later when I lay in bed, a thought came to mind that is still bothering me. 

What did that baby feel for the second she had that stroke?

How did she feel? 

What was her thought?

We will never know it. I will never forget that day. Never. Her cry was different. Her face. She won't ever be able to tell us how she felt and what she felt.

My poor little baby.