Hobbies

My hobbies. Ones I left mastered and unmastered.

As an 8 year old, I would write stories and never show them to anyone because I knew my brothers would laugh at them or at me, my Dad would find something to scold me about, and the only person who would appreciate them, my Mum, would not understand them because English.

When I was 10 (maybe?) I used to sketch and draw. I could easily sketch out inanimate objects and had I persisted, I might, might have gotten better? Maybe?

Next came crafts. But crafts are messy. I liked making them but cleaning up? Ugh. A nightmare.

A little bit older, I could paint. I could paint good. Kept painting till I was 15. But guess who decided it wasn't a really productive way to spend time and it'd be better spent studying? I didn't. My folks did. Which was funny in its own way because I wasn't really good with the studying part anymore by that point so I'd rather have had a skill.

So let's see, what's next?

Ahhhh .... I don't know what I'd call it. I would mold things but not with clay, it was plaster of paris and it was a nightmare on its own as well. But I really enjoyed it. I made a model of the Sukkur Barrage with it once. My teacher had really liked it. 

Pictured below is the Sukkur Barrage.

I know the barrage isn't that glamourous on its own and my model wasn't that much fancy either but it was a big deal at the time, okay? OKAY?

Moving forward came calligraphy. I have had neat handwriting for which I won awards at school for. Granted the awards were certificates handed out at the end of the term, but still. They're awards. So I started writing things in artistic ways. By the time the internet was a huge deal and Orkut had many communities for Calligraphy and trust me I was in them all.

After I left calligraphy, I don't remember having anything special skills. Yes, I would sometimes draw. I would sometimes write. But not more than once per month maybe?

University started and ended and I had my own issues at the time so I'm blank of those years.

Then came the years of developing Android apps and I earned 100 dollars from ads in 4 years. Victory.

While writing my master's thesis, I needed some anxiety relieving activities and I ended up with crocheting. And I guess that is the only hobby I have took to a higher level and that's mainly because of the praise I get.

Meanwhile, reading has always been a part of my life. There were times when I could not sleep unless I read something. It's not always consistent but it's there.

But the past few months have been different. I tried taking up old hobbies. Tried painting and made a very weird rendition of the starry night.

Started reading a lot including Urdu literature and that's just a whole other feeling. Reading the names of authors and poets I read as a child in school brings back classroom memories and jokes leaving me nostalgic for those times, the people, the places.

Came back to writing. Again not much but it's going. Flowing.

And I have a lot of time on my hands since the past month specially. Haven't worked much (read none) and honestly needed to do stuff to divert my mind and I realized how beautiful my handwriting is in Urdu specially so I dunno if you guessed it already or not but the next old hobby I'm going to venture is Calligraphy.

And bois... Do I feel good about this one.

Ignorance, it's bliss.

I woke up restless today. I know the reason why.

Farwa's leaving. That's me. I know why I feel every emotion that I feel.

I wish I didn't.

The problem with being self-aware is that you know where your issues lie. You know your demons. They stay with you. They live with you. But then again, you can't do much about them?

I can trace down where my anxieties come from. I know why I get super annoyed whenever someone or even I have to leave. I know when and where and why it all started.

When saying goodbye, I'm always reminded of an eleven year old me, on the evening I saw my mother getting into a car. Going where? I don't know. Why? I don't know. But I do know she was sick. Didn't really know when was she coming back.

The night of my 12th birthday, she goes again. I know where now. To the hospital. Was she coming back this time as well? I didn't know again.

That's how the whole year went. My Mum leaving every other week leaving behind my little brother and me just ... numb ... wondering would she be back this time? That same year, I remember Nana Baba turning around at the door before leaving and saying goodbye to me and my aunt. He never returned. 

Flight MH370 had me track my Dad's flights every time he went for business trips with the fear what if that airplane didn't land either? What if it was the last time I saw my Dad?

Nani passed away while we weren't in Pakistan. Did my Mum ever think she wouldn't ever get to see her mother once she left the country?

I do.

I think that every time I leave Karachi. Every time I board that flight, my heart breaks a little. The struggle between wanting to have a good life vs being with loved ones is what will take my sanity one day.

Let me tell you about my Sims

I love the Sims. Not the gameplay (I couldn't care less about that) but the whole idea that I can use a game to make a whole story of my own.

Most of my friends know that I have an Instagram account where I'm telling a story using my Sims and all of them know it's private. At least from people I know. A couple of them may know the handle but they've been sworn to secrecy. 

Making that story is my "passion".

Actually yeah, it is my passion. No need for sarcastic quotes to make fun of a certain poet. Anyway, I'm being honest here. I love telling that story and so far I have gathered quite an audience.

And today I'm going to tell you how I was able to achieve this. Granted this isn't as big as other Instagrammers (read influencers lmao) or even my fellow sims story tellers but its still quite a lot and grows everyday.

What I learnt is that the key is to give what people want. Now, now. Before you go out saying "But Momal you gotta do what you like not what others like" and that is a truth fact but there's a line.

You need to figure out what you like and what others like and where those two things connect. 

But I think it's better explained with a Venn diagram.

For example, in my opinion stories that have LGBTQ+ story lines, or stories that talk about racism are well appreciated because people relate to a lot of those things. But for me, I don't think I'm educated enough to be talking about such serious things.

Instead what I do is show real life. And everyone relates to real life. Childhood jealousies, friendships, and love lives are just small examples and for most parts I use my own experiences and the ones of people around me which just gives it a different charm. 

Of course, I am still limited by technology but most of the time you can do quite well with custom modifications that EA could never match. 

Here is an example of using poses (I didn't make this one) to make your sims stand in a certain way and there are like hundreds of talented pose makers out there. I make poses too but am I talented? I don't think so. 

https://simmerberlin.tumblr.com/

Bottom line is, if you want to start a sims story,  keep in mind that it's for you as well as you wanting others to enjoy it. Because if you won't like it, then it doesn't really make sense.

I'm not OneRepublic, I will not be counting stars ...

I won't be counting dollars either. Instead it'll be euros, well, cents to be exact.

Since I moved to Germany in 2017, I've been collecting the "red money" meaning 1,2, and 5 cents coins. 

They're kinda annoying to be honest and over the years I have tried to get rid of them as well but they just keep coming back and I usually store them in random containers like old chewing gum bottles, or purses, or maybe one of the 100 boxes I buy from Flying Tiger whenever there's a sale.

Anyway, another one of my impulsive buys from Flying Tiger recently has been this piggy bank. And it's the cutest thing ever.

I filled it with all my red money.

It stayed there for maybe 3 weeks until 2 days ago when my friend and I, rained in and bored out of our minds decided to count the coins.

Sorted them out. Separated the ones, twos, and fives which weren't many. I actually use fives usually.

Now, the strategy I took was to just count them one by one but turns out that was tiresome and kinda dumb so we went with my friend's way of stacking them and then just adding them up in the end.

So what did I earn in the past 4.5 years?

137 one cent coins.

122 two cents coins (244 cents total)

and 19 five cents coins (95 cents)

making the grand total 4 euros and 76 cents. Just enough to pay for my next Iced Caramel Latte.

Cheers!

Seriousness.

If you know me personally, you won't be surprised that I take everything as a joke. That's just my way of expressing myself. It's been that way since, I have no idea when.

My whole teen years in school were spent hearing the words "you're not getting anywhere with that non serious attitude of yours". Which was really something harsh to say to a young person.

However, I made it far enough, right? I got a degree, I got a good job, I moved abroad for another degree, got another job, and the list goes on. 

But, my non serious attitude still remains. I like making jokes. Life is already too hard for me to not make fun of the things that I can. And what encourages me is the fact that my friends are the same way. We make fun of everything. And when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. 

I believed that until I met this one specific person who asked me why I needed to joke all the time. At first, I didn't take them seriously either but as events turned, that was a huge problem in their books.

And you know the worst part? They got into my head. Now I get bugged when I ask or tell my friends something serious and what I get in return is a joke. Usually, I would in return make a joke but now I just get bummed? Weird.

It's not like I didn't think or behave seriously where it was absolutely necessary, but if a joke could lighten the mood or reduce the severity of a situation, then what was so bad about me making one?